she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
