its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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