your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
