So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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