I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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