Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
