Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
