3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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