Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
