My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
