His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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