Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
