I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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