i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
