I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
