sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You are a genius and a whore.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
