I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Two words: blizzard sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
