This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
