All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
