Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
