If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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