i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
