just tell him i said nine months
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
