So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
