I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
