I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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