I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would ride that face into the sunset
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
