i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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