I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
