I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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