I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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