PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
