I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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