you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
