I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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