apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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