She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
its liver damage thursday
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
