i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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