I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
