do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
