you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
