just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I want is dick and wine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
