I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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