She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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