Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
