you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
