I want to make a zoo with you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize