I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
