She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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