the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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