walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
