i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
