Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
