I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
