She is in my trunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
