do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
