So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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