i was born a porn star she said
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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