So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
