The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
