My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
