Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
