I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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