TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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