Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize