Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
