I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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