how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
