i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's shark week go big or go home
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
