I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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