The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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