it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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