I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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