i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
