my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
