I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
