I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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