You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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