Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
